我与海灵格|“海灵格前后”我不同的人生（1）

经过很多错误之后成功把自己嫁掉，又犯了更多错误之后成功挽救自己婚姻的感情专家。

- 海灵格家排手记 -

Before&After

索菲曾经说，有很多人告诉她”海灵格之前，海灵格之后”, 当时我存疑。

Sophie once said, many people told her “Before Hellinger, and after Hellinger.” I was doubtful.

体验海灵格1年以后, 我想记录我自己身上发生的改变。

One year after experiencing Hellinger, I’d like to record the changes I’ve noticed on myself.

海灵格之前, 我对我的公婆百般挑剔, 我觉得我的丈夫应该可以有更高的成就, 是他们的种种错误让他到现在为止只不过是个小医生;

 海灵格之后我感激我的公婆, 是他们在当时困难的环境和种种限制下, 把他抚养长大, 帮助他完成良好的教育, 没有他们, 我丈夫什么也不是。

Before Hellinger, I was critical of my parents in law. I thought my husband should be more accomplished. Because of all the mistakes they have made, he’s only a little doctor. After Hellinger, I appreciate my parents in law. They are the ones who raised him under the difficult circumstance and all of the limitations at that time. They helped him to get good education. My husband would be nothing without them.

海灵格之前, 我不知道怎麽称呼我的公婆, 总之我绝对叫不出口爸爸妈妈;

 海灵格之后我可以自然地称我婆婆为妈妈。

Before Hellinger, I didn’t know how to address my parents in law. I couldn’t call them mom and dad in any case. After Hellinger, I can call my mother in law mama with ease.

海灵格之前我对人提防, 因为我很害怕受伤; 

海灵格之后我喜欢和人聊天, 见到谁都觉得开心。这是我妈妈的天赋, 现在我开始继承这项天赋。

Before Hellinger I was on guard with people because I was afraid of getting hurt. After Hellinger, I like talking to people and I feel happy to see people. This is my mom’s talent, and now I inherit this talent.

海灵格之前我绷著脸, 常常不知道自己咬紧牙关，直到牙齿对冷热敏感，牙医告诉我珐琅质磨损严重;

 海灵格之后我脸上自然可以有笑容，脸部肌肉放松。

Before Hellinger, my face was tense. I often clenched my jaws without knowing, until my teeth were sensitive to hot and cold, and the dentist told me that the enamel was grind down. After Hellinger I smile naturally and my facial muscles are relaxed.

海灵格之前我视别人为竞争对手; 

海灵格之后我觉得想交朋友, 而且发现别人愿意和我做朋友。

Before Hellinger I saw people as competitions. After Hellinger I feel like making friends, and surprisingly find people willing to be my friends.

海灵格之前我觉得别人对我好的是有目的, 有交换性质的; 

海灵格之后我看到这就是我自己的功利性, 这就是我之前对待别人的方式。

Before Hellinger, I saw people nice to me as having a purpose and they want something in exchange. After Hellinger, I saw this was how I treated others. This was my own utilitarianism.

海灵格之前我不停在脑子裡计算得失, 就算只是几块钱;

 海灵格之后我察觉我又在这么做了。

Before Hellinger, I kept calculating in my head, even if it’s only a few dollars. After Hellinger, I am aware when I am doing it again.

海灵格之前我专注在负面的事情上, 对小事忿忿不平, 念念不忘;

 海灵格之后我发现我有多么幸运, 每天都有好事发生, 像是有馅饼从天上掉下来!

Before Hellinger, I focused on the negativities. I was really bothered by small things and had a hard time letting them go. After Hellinger, I realize how lucky I am. There’s something wonderful happening to me everyday, like pies falling off the sky!

海灵格之前我的人生大部分是在索取, 我觉得我得到的还不够多, 别人都应该也可以再多给一点;

 海灵格之后我开始问我能提供什么，我能给什么。

Before Hellinger, my life was mostly taking from others. I thought I wasn’t getting enough, and they should and could give more. After Hellinger, I start asking what can I offer, and what can I give.

海灵格之前我害怕被看见, 因为我不够完美;

 海灵格之后那个爱现爱笑想要被看见的小女孩回来了。

Before Hellinger I was afraid to be seen, for I was not perfect enough. After Hellinger, the showy little girl who loves to laugh and wants to be seen is back.

海灵格之前我书是读了一些, 但是只进不出, 啥也写不出来; 

海灵格之后，到目前为止我写了五篇, 还有人给我打赏!

Before Hellinger I read a lot, but only in, nothing out; I couldn’t write anything. After Hellinger, I’ve written 5 articles so far, and people gave me tips for them!

海灵格之前世界很小, 你看了我的文章, 就没空去看别人的; 你给我打赏，别人就赚不到你的钱;

 海灵格之后世界很大，你看了我的, 也可以去看别人的; 世界很大, 每个人都能赚到钱。

Before Hellinger the world is small. You read my article, then you run out of time to read others. You give me rewards, then others wouldn’t earn your money. After Hellinger, the world is big. You can read my article, and read others. The world is big, and everyone can make money.

海灵格之前我不会写这样一篇东西出来, 因为承认自己的缺陷太可怕, 太危险, 太自曝其短;

 海灵格之后我接受我的不完美。如果你接受我的不完美, 我们可以做朋友; 如果你不接受, 我祝福你有一天能接受自己的不完美。

Before Hellinger, I wouldn’t have written something like this. It was too scary, too dangerous, and too exposed to admit to my shortcomings. After Hellinger, I accept my imperfection. We can be friends if you accept that I am not perfect. If you don’t, I wish one day you can accept your own flaws.